Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
