I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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