apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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