dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
