last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
