Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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