I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Someone came in the potted fern
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
