The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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