I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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