two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
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My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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