True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
