umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
