I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We just shotgunned beers for America
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
