go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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