I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There r osticjed everywhere
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize