i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
