She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
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After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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