Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
