I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize