I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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