that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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