just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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