I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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