Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
