Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
