It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
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so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
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Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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