Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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