apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she smelled like a LAN party
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize