we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
