i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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