Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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