wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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