if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I need moral support for this bender
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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