I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
