Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
