And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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