The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
