Where did you get a picture of my penis
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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