Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
