So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
