I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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