Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
