Will you blow on my dice?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
