Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
