You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
