If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So many bounce houses so little time
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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