I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Sober January is a disaster.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
