My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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