How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
