Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
