Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
