Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
