Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
