Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
