Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
