Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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