I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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