the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize