You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
