I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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