found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
